Battles

As a SAHHM I have many battles.  Battles over school work, house work, clothing, play time, attitudes, lunch menu......I could keep going but I think you get the point.  One thing I have become great at is picking my battles.....well maybe not great but a lot better than even a year ago.  There are times when my princess goes to the grocery store in an outfit that I never in a million years thought I would ever let any child of mine be seen in public in....but it's not the battle I want to fight that day....it's just not worth it any more. 

The battle I have yet to conquer is the one inside of me!  If you are mom at all you know what I am talking about....you know that battle to be the mom you think everyone wants you to be....if you don't battle with this....well good for you!  HAHAHA! I struggle daily with my role as mom, wife, teacher, student, daughter, and even child of God.  I want to be the best in every area and it seems like no matter what I do I fall flat on my face in some area, if not all areas, at some point and I convince myself, well Satan convinces me, that I am a horrible person.  It is amazing how he can have that power.  He uses even my friends sometimes to attack me, just to get me down.

Well, tonight that battle was going on and I could not sleep.  I was laying in bed just crying out to God.  Asking Him, no begging Him, to show me what it meant to be the mom, wife, student, and everything else He has called me to be.  I truly just want to be who HE wants me to be and nothing else.  Then I just stopped and listened.  This is a hard thing for me, but I wanted an answer and to get an answer you have have to listen. And this is what He said..."Amanda, remember David?  Remember when I sent Samuel to find the King I had for Israel?  Remember when I showed up and made it clear that David, the one son of Jesse least likely to be King, would be the next King of Israel?  Remember that I look at the heart.  Man looks on the outside but I look within!" 

As moms, and Christians lets be honest we are the worst, we tend to make the picture of the mom who has it all together in our heads.  You know what I am talking about!  We have this visual of super mom and what that should look like.  Christians, we have the a similar picture of the super christian.  Be honest!  You know we do!  The problem is, that picture is very comparable to picture the Israelites had in their minds of the next King.  Our picture is not always God's picture.  Our picture of what moms, wives, and others in general is not always accurate.  And the truth is, every mom should look different, because we have different kids.  Every Christian, while there are some similarities that must be there, will look different, because that the beauty of being a part of the family of God.  If we all looked and acted the same that would be boring and less work for God's kingdom could be done.

All of this is easier said than done I realize, but it is my goal to work very hard to put my focus on my heart and what God desires from me and not on what others think or what I think I should be doing to let others know I "have it together".   My focus should be on being a Child of God and not all the other stuff, because the other stuff will fall into place if I am focused on HIM.  Instead of spending two hours at the gym because I feel like I am expected to be in shape to be a good mom and wife, I should be in God's Word.  Instead of stressing out over what my kids are wearing in public, I need to be in God's Word.  Instead of focusing on being super mom, wonder wife, and A+ student, I need to focus on HIM and allow HIM to be all that through me. 

If you read this and know me personally, please remind me of this the next time you hear me comparing myself to someone else, or comparing someone else to me. 

If you don't know me, or don't know me well enough to do the above, then pray for me and others like me that struggle in this area.  Pray that Christian moms all over the world will rely on HIM more and less on themselves and what they feel the world expects of them.  Oh and share this blog if it ministered to you!